Every year as the holiday season comes to an end, I ask God to give me a
single word that will serve as a guide for whatever the coming year has for me.
This year God gave me the word "participate."
Although there’s a lot more to this story, for the purpose of brevity, I’ll
start in October. That's when my very best friends, who accounted for at least
70% of my social interactions, moved to Minnesota.
My first reaction was a bit of panic. What would I do without them next
door? How was I going to fill the gaping hole that would be left in my day-to-day
life?
That thought process quickly yielded to the acknowledgment that God brought
them into my life to serve a very specific purpose and their departure would
also have purpose.
My second thought was that God was probably making space in my life for a
significant relationship to form. I was so very ready for that to happen, and I
really wanted to get the ball rolling. (God loves a doer, right?)
I understood the assignment. I was pretty sure I'd need to put myself in a position
to meet new people. I would need to participate in activitiesand groups and events. And if a romantic relationship was on the horizon, I should put
some effort into my looks -- lose weight, wear makeup and maybe even dress like
a girl from time to time.
It’s not biblical, but it makes sense, right?
Abstract concepts related to participation started floating around right above
my head like one of those word clouds graphic designers like to use to visually
represent a complex concept.
I met a Christian man on a new Christian dating app and I was convinced this
was it. Everything seemed to be lining up and it all made sense, right?
I wasn’t really attracted to him, but we had some things in common. I was convinced
that this must be the guy God had for me, so I pursued it. People in their 40s don’t
get swept up in attraction and chemistry the way people in their teens and 20s
do. Right?
To my simultaneous disappointment and relief, he admitted he wasn't
attracted to me either and wasn't interested in a romantic relationship with
me.
My parents arrived in November for our holiday visit,
so dating fell completely off the radar. I guess I misunderstood what God was
saying.
Around mid-December, it was clear to me that participate was my word for
2022. The word was everywhere. It came up in nearly every conversation and just
wouldn’t go away.
I had no idea what it meant or how to act on it, but with uncharacteristic
humility and patience I decided to let God reveal it to me.
My typical strategy of guessing God's will and making assumptions about his
plan for my life was proving unreliable, so I waited for clarity.
I asked for clarity in my prayers. I looked for clarity in the Bible and meditated on its words during my daily devotions. I listened for clarity in the praise and worship music I enjoy during my morning walk.
I didn't rush into action.
I even engaged in fellowship with trusted Christian advisors to help me avoid running off in the wrong direction.
For the first time since this journey began, I am genuinely excited to participate in God's plan for my life on His terms. To collaborate with Him toward the fulfillment of His will and to partner with him on the project he started in Genesis.
Slowing down and allowing God to speak to me in his own time has been a game
changer. Impatiently finishing His sentences or rushing to action before I have the full instructions has been a barrier to communication in the same
way it would be with anyone.
Participation has already been an incredibly important word for me this year
and I suspect it will continue to apply to various situations throughout the
year.
Communicating effectively is the first step to growing a
relationship with anyone.
It’s been a huge obstacle in my relationship with God, but I feel
like I might finally be getting it.
I do think God made space in my life for a significant relationship to
grow. I believe that relationship is with him.