A Tale of Two Pillows...and a t-shirt quilt

Right after we found out Brian was sick, but before we knew how serious the situation was, I bought a sewing machine that was on sale in the Amazon gold box. He was convinced I would never ever use it, so when it arrived I went to the fabric store and got some cheap fabric to play with and learn the basics of the machine.

The first thing I made was a small orange pillow that I gave to Brian. It was a silly little thing, but I thought it might be nice to have during treatments and such.

After I gave it to him, I decided it was too small and didn't have enough stuffing to be of any real use, so I made him a larger green pillow out of a fabric that was probably intended to look like the outside of a watermelon.

I also made a pair of PJ pants for Brian to wear, but they didn't fit very well and weren't comfortable. Also, one leg was longer than the other.

As we packed for our first day of chemo, I decided the little orange pillow would have to do. We had too much to carry already and the green one was too bulky (in addition to my laptop, we had toys, games and coloring books from friends to help us pass the time).

As it turns out, Brian really liked the little orange one and kept it with him at home, at the doctor's and eventually in the hospital. I ended up using the green one during overnights at the hospital.

When we found out the chemo wasn't working, I was devastated. Brian has never been terribly emotional and if he wasn't crying for himself, I didn't want to cry in front of him. He was the one who was dying, after all. I would wait for him to sleep then cover my face with the green pillow so he wouldn't hear me.

After Brian passed, in preparation for his memorial, I was showing the pastor (who didn't know either of us at all) some videos so that he would have an idea of what Brian was about. An observation was made about all of Brian's funny t-shirts and it kind of stuck with me that they really were a part of his personality.

I started taking comfort in wearing Brian's t-shirts and when I heard about getting t-shirt quilts made I thought it was a great way to wrap myself in memories and to be comforted by them. After looking up prices to have one made, I decided it might be fun to find instructions on YouTube and just make it myself.

Keep in mind that in total, in my life, I've used a sewing machine to make 2 ridiculously ugly pillows and a lopsided pair of PJ's.

I've had Brian's t-shirts stacked up and ready to go for 6 months, but couldn't bring myself to cut them. When my parents arrived for the holidays, I thought it would be a good opportunity to get this project completed, but I still had a hard time with it. I don't know if the mental block was about cutting up his shirts or just typical procrastination. After three full weeks of vacation, I finally got motivated and got the entire thing done in one day.

Brian didn't think the sewing machine was worth buying because I would never make anything of value, so I'm sure he'd be glad to know my three most prized possessions were all made using that machine (as well as a lopsided pair of pj's). If I never make anything else ever, it will have been well worth the cost.

T-shirt quilt made using several of Brian's favorite t-shirts.