Up until recently I've been really focused on myself and my experience of all of this. I've talked about missing my husband and my friend and my playmate and all the things he was to me. I've talked about my loss and the pain of my grief, but this isn't that. This is not about what he was or did for me. It's just about him as a person.
I feel like I'm just now getting around to thinking about Brian outside of his impact on my own life and accepting that he's not just away from me. He's really, really gone. I miss his presence on the Earth, not just his presence in my life.
If you didn't know Brian, you missed out.
He was hysterical and lighthearted and fun. Chances are good he was smarter than you, but the chances you knew it weren't quite as good. When it came to making jokes, no one was off limits - even himself.
He really wanted the people around him to be happy and having fun. He was generous. He was a fantastic tipper, loved giving gifts and picking up the tab. He really liked money, but not to keep or have. He enjoyed spending big to have nice things and to go on exciting adventures. He was slow to anger, but if you managed to get on his bad side, he would definitely hold a grudge. He was straightforward about it, too. If he didn't like you, you knew it.
He had talking points - bad parents and idiot kids, stupid people, drive-thru incompetence, Apple products, gun rights, and freedom of thought. He had strong opinions about politics and pop culture controversies. He had strong opinions about a lot of things, but he wasn't offended by opposing viewpoints.
He used to say, "Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, even if they are wrong."
Brian's vocabulary was a bit vulgar, but not in a way that was intended to be offensive. He just didn't take words as seriously as the rest of the world and didn't see the need to censor his thoughts.
He worked hard and did a good job no matter what he was doing, but he didn't love to work. He loved to play. He was quite possibly the most playful person I've ever known.
He didn't love everyone, but for the handful of people (and creatures) he loved, it was with all of his heart and it was special.
So I miss my husband, and I miss my playmate and I miss my soul mate. That's all still very true, but I also miss Brian Moore outside of the context of his relationship with me. I miss who he was as a person. The world is just not as good without him in it.
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| Brian hanging out with Oscar the friendly grouch. |
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