'Bout that time, eh chap?

Note: If you don't know the quote for which this post is titled, drop everything and watch this video.

Hokay so...

Brian's birthday is tomorrow which for the past 3 years has marked the beginning of a fairly rough season for me.

I'm pretty sure the milestone dates are always going to be emotional - his birthday on March 7, the cancer diagnosis on April 27, the cholangiocarcinoma diagnosis on May 7, his death on June 13, our anniversary on June 18 and even my own birthday in late July seem to be tough days for me despite of my best efforts to remain balanced.

I don't think the last one would be emotionally tied to the grief experience except that it was so soon after his death and it was my 40th birthday that year and he had already started planning the party before he got sick. I still have the little plastic pirate figurines he ordered from Amazon to put on my cake.

The point is, spring through early summer has consistently been a challenge and it's good to be prepared.

I'm expecting this year to be quite a bit less intense. I like that my brain or my soul or whatever it is that controls love, grief, and human connection requires me to recognize the milestones - to think and feel and to remember. I wish it were less disruptive, but I'm guessing that comes with time.

So if you will be interacting with me in the next 5 months or so here are some of the things to look out for:

• I talk about Brian or about grief much more than usual.
• I run late for appointments or meetings 
• My emotional responses seem a bit exaggerated or disproportionate
• Early stage dementia-like symptoms 
• Lack of motivation or...
• Inability to be still 

Here are some of the ways my friends can be helpful

• Listen to and care about my stories. They aren't sad or depressing. They are my life.
• Send a text reminder before a meeting giving me ONLY enough time to get ready and get there. I run late because of either inertia or distractions. 
• Just roll with it and know that I know I'm crazy sometimes. 
• Don't ask me to remember an important date or phone number. If you need me to accomplish a task, text it to me. 
• Leave me alone or come over. I'm not going out.
• Come chat with me while I'm mopping the garage or feather dusting the roof tiles.

Brian's 42nd Birthday Cake

My 40th Birthday Cake