I will spend six months in a tiny apartment. I'll then move into a beautiful, newly-built home in one of the top neighborhoods in the country with a mortgage that can be paid on minimum wage.
I haven't had this much security or stability in my life since - probably ever.
I feel like when I move, Brian will become a smaller part of my life. How could he not? I think in some ways, making Brian a smaller part of my life is the whole point.
I know it has to happen. I know it's a good decision. I know it will be empowering to live in an environment that looks more like the present than the past. It's just really uncomfortable.
The entire process is super stressful (it probably would be even without the grief element).
I'm doing this pretty much on my own. All the risks are mine to take. All the decisions are mine to make. I have to make the phone calls. I have to pack and clean and figure out what to keep, what to sell and what to throw away. I have to schedule services to be turned on and off. I have to meet with the movers and pick out a storage facility and secure transitional housing.
Had. I had to do those things. They're done now. I did them. Because I'm awesome.
It's uncomfortable. It's not easy. But it's done now - and it can't be undone.
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